Strange Days.

You guys ever have one of those days? Not those days. THOSE DAYS. I mean the really strange day where so many odd things happen that it becomes like watching a car wreck. You wanna go inside to normalcy, but you can't stop observing the weird. That's the kind of day I'm having. I woke up this morning, as usual, and things seemed to be going along quite nicely. The weather was pleasant enough to wear just a hoodie. No Jacket Required. I then went to my research methods class. This is where things got weird. I've been in this class for a semester now and I've been doing mostly statistical work. Well, that's done now - thank the maker. So now the class is all about the interesting world of interviews. The professor started off class by talking about statistics and then saying, "And now for something completely different." I lost it. If it weren't for the other students snickering, people would have thought I had gone crazy. I thought John bloody Cleese was going to do a silly walk right into the classroom. The best part is that I don't think she meant to quote Monty Python. I think that's just a British thing that British people say. I think the Python boys were just the first to realize how silly this island and its inhabitants can be.

I must say, however, that everything else she said today was nowhere near funny. We listened to her speak for 2 and a half hours about interviews. Let me tell you, if there's one thing that shouldn't take 2 and a half hours to explain, it's interviews. 30 minutes. Tops. Part of it may be due to the fact that. She. Talks. Like. William. Shatner. Can? You? Imagine? 2? And? A? Half? Hours? Of? That? I was starting to go crazy. Except for the guy who sits in front of me. His real name is Alan, but I tend to think of him as the Lord Voldemort of Research Methods. I'll explain why in a minute.

First. Allow. Me. To. Digress. (I learned today that you are not supposed to let your interviewees do that.)

Digression: Many of you may already know this, but I suspect that some of you don't. The middle finger is recognized world over for being an easy way (as long as you were careful in shop class) to tell people where they can go. The British have and use the middle finger. En fait, it was a gesture born from British archers. (I'd tell you the story but that would be a Double Digression. Some lines I just won't cross.) There is, however, another way to insult people in Britain. I will use a picture from the inter-tubes (and Churchill) to demonstrate.

Mr. Churchill says good morning and sod off

Anyway, that's the v-sign, or as the Scottish call it, "The Vicky." Back to my day.

This guy, Lord Voldemort of Research Methods, sits in front of me and makes cynical comments all day. He's older than me, probably in his late 30's or early 40's. When the professor asked if any of us had done interview or survey work Lord Voldemort says he has. She begins talking about ethics and he subsequently reveals that in order to identify people taking supposedly anonymous surveys, they would individualize each survey with a typo, so as to know who said what. I'm pretty sure that's unethical. Judging by the look the prof gave him, I'm pretty sure she thought so too. I had to laugh, though. He justified it by saying that they were poor, marginalized scum. Should have just called them all filthy mudbloods and be done with it. Later when she asked if there were any questions he raised his hand, pointing his index finger out like so.

Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!

Voldemort then raises it higher when she fails to call on him. She obviously doesn't see him because she's down front pulling a Ben Stein.

"Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?"

Voldemort's buddy next to him jokingly pushes Voldemort's arm up higher. The professor still doesn't see him. She's still on like Ben Stein. Voldemort seems annoyed. When she starts to move on with the lecture, Voldemort flicks his wrist, extends his middle finger and creates an instant v-sign. Instant Vicky. Sounds like a cocktail. There was much gasping and head-shaking. Some teeth probably gnashed somewhere. The professor missed this entirely. I couldn't believe it. The whole scene had John Bender written all over it.

The Walk Back.

The Chinese have a racist term for westerners. Europeans, Brits, Americans, Canucks. They call westerners Da Bizi. (Pronounced Da bee zuh) It means "big nose."

As I was walking back I started noticing a trend. I started seeing people with big noses. I started paying closer attention to the people I was passing every single one had a huge Schnoz. It was a little less than a mile and every nose I passed was huge. I was left speechless. Which is fine because I had nobody to talk to anyhoo. The weirdest part though, was that when I crossed the street, everyone I passed had a normal looking nose. I can't explain it. Act of God. Whatever it was, it was $#%@-ing weird.

That was my weird day.

On a non weird note, I met the other three guys I would be living with next year and they're all upstanding folk. Nice guys, every one. We also found a house, which is really nice. It's located next to a pub, just like my current place. The atmosphere at that pub is better, but the food isn't. Cheap pints though. All in all, this has been a VERY interesting week. I hope next week is just as interesting.

Number one, make it so!

Engage!

-Jonathan "Medium Bizi" Trenary

Love and Tetris

Back in the Saddle Again.

Well it's good to be back in Nottingham.

Mostly.

I was pleased/displeased to find that several things had occurred whilst I was away. To my horror I had left my lights on. For an entire month. I feel really bad about that. I take great effort to make sure my lights and computer are off if I am leaving the place. I also am keen on turning off the kitchen light after I am finished doing whatever it is I do in the kitchen. Presumably cooking. Imagine my horror and surprise when I opened my door to find out that I had left my lights on. I'm sorry planet. I'll never do it again.

Also, my room smells less weird than it used to. I must be doing something right. The strange acrid mustiness has seemingly been replaced by a more familiar, warm me-stiness. I guess it smells like me in here.

And there was also the usual, One Thing. What is that look on your face? Confusion? Ah so! I see. You do not know what the One Thing is. The One Thing is (as the name implies) one thing that just chaffs your craw, screws your pooch, throws a monkey in your wrench or does something of equal value to make your day not good. It's usually just bad enough to make you forget about all the good things that happened to you that day. One Thing to rule them all... I digress. Anyhoo, I came back to find that I had no internet. Furthermore, I really needed to look up my exam schedule. I trekked and trudged through the snow and cold and wind to the housing office so that I could simply ask, "WTF?" Upon arriving and forcing "WTF?" into a slightly nicer and better worded inquiry for the girl at the desk, I was told that I should call the (And this is seriously the name for the group that takes care of the intertubes) U-WANT tech support. I suppose the (dis)service is called U-WANT because they always leave U WANTing more.

The grand reason for my lack of internet was: My new computer.

I finally got internet this morning. 2 days after my arrival.

But that's was the One Thing and now it's done. And now I can get down to some serious business. Exams. Fortune smiled upon me (as if sympathetic towards me and my tribulations with my maniacal landlord company) and come to find out I only have 2 exams this week. Not 3 as I had originally feared. So I am able to study at a more comfortable pace. And I feel pretty good about my Chinese, having practiced a meager 10 hours or so while home.

I must say, the travelling was pretty good overall. Because of all the maniacs trying to do bad things with explosives recently, I was expecting all sorts of invasive probings by the airport security. The process was surprisingly straightforward, easy and probe-less. The new security area at Dulles is pretty snazzy looking and reminded me of something out of Blade Runner or Minority Report or any other movie based off a Philip K. Dick novel. They even have cute little videos preparing you for the process as you stand in line.

Lastly, I have a new project I will soon be unveiling. Some of you have heard me talk about. Some of you have helped me come up with some crackerjack ideas for it. Some of you are pretty much the main impetus for it.

That being said. I have a question for any geographers that take the time to read this: If there is one thing that you could tell everyone about geography, what would it be?

Thanks all,

Back to the ol' Zhong Wen (Chinese)

住你新年快乐!

Zhu Ni Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Happy New Year!

- Jonathan "Yet To Be Probed" Trenary

My Deranged Dell

'Allo, 'allo.

The post is just to say that I will not be putting out video blogs till after January 11th. The reason for this is my computer's slow but sure descent into a Kurtzian state (of Conrad fame.) It finds new errors and ways to make data blink out of existence on a daily basis. Today it adopted a rather adorable but ultimately infuriating screen shake that, at first, reminds me of a wet dog trying to dry off. Then it reminds me of a furiously antagonistic machine full of hate and ill will towards the massive loads of work that I must accomplish with said hate-machine. Hopefully I will buy a new computer soon, but until I do I am afraid of putting my hard drive through the rigors that Windows Movie Maker tends to inflict.

Until later.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Jonathan "The madness..." Trenary

Post Thanksgiving (Grey Saturday)

It's really grey (gray?) and bleak outside. Surprisingly, the weather has been pretty good the past few months. It rains more here than it does back home, but I certainly wouldn't describe my experience over here as "rainy." I hope it stays that way.

I had Thanksgiving with my flatmates. It was really good.

We ate:

Beer Can Chicken

Stuffing

Twice-Baked Mashed Potatoes

And of course...

Cranberry Sauce

I am aware that it is heretical to eat something other than turkey as a Thanksgiving bird. To be honest, I would have loved to eat turkey! But after going to two butchers and a large supermarket, I could not find a turkey anywhere. So, I was left with either duck or chicken. I couldn't really comprehend eating duck for Thanksgiving, so it fell on me to get chicken. I still wanted to capture the warm nostalgic (and slightly homesick) feeling that I would have felt had I been eating turkey. The closest I could come to was beer can chicken. I don't know why beer can chicken feels like home to me. It could be all those times Dam and I spent poking and prodding the flavor-filled bird, arguing about whether it was ready or not. Or it could be the redneck in me, climbing to get out. I'm not really sure. All I know is that bird was tasty. Additionally, it was priceless to see Kuran's face when I explained to him HOW you make a beer can chicken.

The real hit of the night though, were the twice-baked mashed potatoes. I think I've found my signature holiday dish here. Alex and Rita, a couple of friends of mine that came over later that evening pretty much licked the pan clean. Even cold, the potatoes were a hit.

Also - sustaining a straight diet of Thanksgiving sandwiches. Those of you that know me really well, know that my favorite food in the ENTIRE WORLD is the Thanksgiving sandwich. Entire turkeys have been cooked after Thanksgiving so that I could continue binging on birdflesh, stuffing, cranberry sauce and mayo; all nestled between two pieces of bread. If I were on death row my last meal would in no uncertain terms be as many Thanksgiving sandwiches as the budget allowed for. Word has it that Han Solo loves Thanksgiving sandwiches too. That's how good they are.

So life is pretty good right now. It's gonna get really busy around here soon. I've got oral examinations in Chinese coming up, as well as a project for Stats class. I'm enjoying the high while I can, before I sink into a mire of work.

Things are grand, but I'm starting to get a little homesick.

No big though. I'll be heading home soon enough.

Keep on truckin'

- Jonathan "Potato King" Trenary

Vampires and crap

Sorry it's late.

Enjoy.

Canned Mayonaise and Powerful Men

This...

happened to me today.

It happened while I was running, in fact. I was under the impression that this sort of thing only happened in bad romantic comedies that star Sandra Bullock. But no, it happened to me. And the splasher was driving a bus, not an Audi, so the splash was even more intense. I feel particularly bad for the girls that were passing me (Unless they didn't get wet because I acted as a shield. Then I don't feel bad for them at all.) because they were carrying shopping bags and wearing normal clothes. Fortunately I was just wearing my running clothes, so no loss. Just an uncomfortable run back to the flat.

That'll teach me to go running right after it rains.

Another observation:

As I attempt to adapt to the diet of a British college student, I find myself experimenting with different canned foods. I am rapidly finding out that the more ingredients a canned meal has (this does not include soup,) the worse the meal is. For example, today I ate a can of beans and franks with my turkey sandwich. I thought it would be something akin to the beloved spaghettios from my childhood. It wasn't. It was six Vienna sausages thrown into a can of baked beans. It was palatable. But only barely. Even worse was the...*gulp*... tryst with canned tuna. Except the canned tuna also included corn and mayo. I like those things in my tuna salad. I thought it would be okay. It wasn't. It was terrible. I can't even begin to describe how awful it was. Even with fixin's. And as you all know, good fixin's can turn even the most bland and terrible sandwich into something magnificent. These fixin's couldn't. Unless it's soup or just plain baked beans, stay away from British canned goods.

Two more things:

The first is a new obsession I have with Forbes' recent "World's Most Powerful People" list.

There are a couple of really fascinating things about this list. The first that I would like to point out is that Sergey Brin and Larry Page, the co-founders of Google, are placed on the list as the fifth most powerful people on the planet. Imagine, two internet nerds (a nerd is a good thing to be) are considered to be more powerful than all but 3 of the world's leaders and Ben Bernanke.

The second thing I would like to point out is that Rupert Murdoch sits at #7. Terrifying.

Third, Osama bin Laden is #37 because, he is "casus belli of two U.S.-led wars costing over $1 trillion." Scary that he's so high up on the list (Higher than Ali Hoseini-Khamanei, leader of Iran) and even scarier that Forbes is unaware of the fact that the Iraq war was planned independently of Osama bin Laden's actions, and was well underway before the WTC was bombed. In fact, Bob Woodward implies in his book, State of Denial, that overzealous war planning may of interfered with detection of the plot to destroy the towers. But that's discussion for another time and place.

Fourth, Putin is #3, Medvedev is #43. Wait. So who's ruling Russia?

Fifth, and most importantly, is what this list tells us about Forbes. To take a page from Edward Said, the article and the choices made in constructing the list tell us far more about Forbes magazine than about the people on the list. Furthermore, how does one rank power? According to Forbes it seems that the person most able to affect the world economy is the most powerful. That would explain Ben Bernanke's listing at spot #4. But who do we really know who's the most powerful?

Dear Forbes writers, to take a page from Billy Joel, you may be wrong for all I know, but you may be right.

So I came up with an idea to determine who is the most powerful. In addition to economic measurements potential list members must engage in 3 other competitions of mental, physical and artistic might.

Challenge 1: Mental Olympiad. Filled with terrible long division math questions, spatial reasoning puzzles, SAT analogies and brain teasers, competitors will strive to see who has the strongest mind. The final gauntlet? Solving a Rubik's cube.

Challenge 2: Obstacle Course . I'm imagining something that mixes the Nickelodeon show GUTS! with American Gladiators with the basic training that American Green Berets undergo. Any ties will be determined by an arm wrestling match. Best two outta three.

Challenge 3: Create a great work of art. This is where a lot of people would stumble and fall, but the truly powerful will be able to pull it off with a flourish. Nothing says "power" like controlling the world economy by day and painting majestic landscapes in oils by night.

That's it for today. Or I should say tonight. It was completely dark by 4:30 PM. Yay 50 degrees latitude.

Hasta luego.

- Jonathan "Joggin' Soggy" Trenary