Back in England.
Waiting for the train.
Back still hurts.
From sleeping on the plane.
Waiting for the train.
Back still hurts.
From sleeping on the plane.
My eyes may hurt but poetry still sings in my soul. This is surprising because I've come from a plane flight so crowded and uncomfortable that it surely should have decimated all odes, meters and stanzas from my heart. Thanks be to Thor, this is not so. My discomfort was not merely physical but also psychological. Allow me to explain.
As a kid who was a bit chunky growing up, I have much sympathy for people who struggle with their weight. Hell, I still struggle with it myself. I understand that people gain weight because of glandular problems, hormonal problems, or as the result of a food-based coping mechanism that arises from depression. Fat Bastard of Austin Powers fame was himself a victim of this vicious cycle. I've been there, and I get it. It's not easy being green and it's hell being fat.
That being said, my compassion goes only so far. As a stocky, broad shouldered guy, airplane seats aren't as comfortable for me as they probably are for someone like Tom Cruise. Compressing me into an economy class seat isn't fun, but it's doable. I can (after a few minutes of shifting and turning) find a position somewhat conducive to sleep. I cannot do this, however, when the person sitting next to me is overflowing into my seat. The person next to me on my recent flight was so big that she literally spilled over the arm rest into my seat area. Suffice it to say, sleeping was a chore. So was sitting for that matter.
Here I was confused how to feel. My id was screaming like Gordan Ramsay on primetime TV. On a basic level I wasn't getting what was paid for. I was registered to a whole seat. And yet I got a fraction of one. Should not a fraction of the price been paid for a fraction of the seat? 7/8th's of a seat for 7/8th's of the quoted price? Desireable from my point of view but impossible. Asking people their weight in order to sell them plane tickets is unconscionable. Asking women their weight would be suicide.
I am reminded of the uproar several years ago over airlines charging obese people for two seats. I can understand this to some degree. Perhaps there is an iota of prejudice involved in such a measure. And yet, it also comes down to a matter of functionality. It isn't safe for our bigger friends to squeeze themselves into smaller friend-sized seats. It's also uncomfortable for smaller friends like me.
My proposal? Love seats. At an increased cost, of course. One or two per plane would be sufficient. But Trenary, you ask, what if there are NO obese people on the plane in question? Well, I answer, then it is the perfect opportunity to cuddle up with that special someone for a nice cozy flight. Don't have a romantic interest available? Find one by being paired up with a stranger in the love seat. Think of it like a dating service via private transit. What makes it even more plausible in this capacity is that dinner and a movie are already provided. If all goes well, I hear there's even a club you can join before the plane lands.
Ultimately I'm really trying not to be an asshole about this. I'm sure the big lady next to me was a perfectly nice person who didn't want to give me back and shoulder problems throughout the flight, but she did. I think my solution is an easy way to allow bigger people a place to sit a lesser cost than buying two seats and without the incumberance on other passengers. The proof is in the puddin'. The loveseat option has already been adopted by movie theaters:
and is extremely popular at my local cinema, The Savoy. Of course, it'll never happen. The airline would feed us some cock and bull story about safety, or losing profit or somesuch. C'est la vie. Corporate pig pokers...
Keep this in mind though, folks. Air quality on airplanes was far better when average joes, jills and jesses could smoke on them. The air was circulated and filtered. Without cigarettes, the air remains stagnant. Now planes are big aluminum, petri dishes for whatever green-gooped cocktail your seat neighbor has stirring in their lungs. Because clean air isn't necessary if we ain't smoking...
As a kid who was a bit chunky growing up, I have much sympathy for people who struggle with their weight. Hell, I still struggle with it myself. I understand that people gain weight because of glandular problems, hormonal problems, or as the result of a food-based coping mechanism that arises from depression. Fat Bastard of Austin Powers fame was himself a victim of this vicious cycle. I've been there, and I get it. It's not easy being green and it's hell being fat.
That being said, my compassion goes only so far. As a stocky, broad shouldered guy, airplane seats aren't as comfortable for me as they probably are for someone like Tom Cruise. Compressing me into an economy class seat isn't fun, but it's doable. I can (after a few minutes of shifting and turning) find a position somewhat conducive to sleep. I cannot do this, however, when the person sitting next to me is overflowing into my seat. The person next to me on my recent flight was so big that she literally spilled over the arm rest into my seat area. Suffice it to say, sleeping was a chore. So was sitting for that matter.
Here I was confused how to feel. My id was screaming like Gordan Ramsay on primetime TV. On a basic level I wasn't getting what was paid for. I was registered to a whole seat. And yet I got a fraction of one. Should not a fraction of the price been paid for a fraction of the seat? 7/8th's of a seat for 7/8th's of the quoted price? Desireable from my point of view but impossible. Asking people their weight in order to sell them plane tickets is unconscionable. Asking women their weight would be suicide.
I am reminded of the uproar several years ago over airlines charging obese people for two seats. I can understand this to some degree. Perhaps there is an iota of prejudice involved in such a measure. And yet, it also comes down to a matter of functionality. It isn't safe for our bigger friends to squeeze themselves into smaller friend-sized seats. It's also uncomfortable for smaller friends like me.
My proposal? Love seats. At an increased cost, of course. One or two per plane would be sufficient. But Trenary, you ask, what if there are NO obese people on the plane in question? Well, I answer, then it is the perfect opportunity to cuddle up with that special someone for a nice cozy flight. Don't have a romantic interest available? Find one by being paired up with a stranger in the love seat. Think of it like a dating service via private transit. What makes it even more plausible in this capacity is that dinner and a movie are already provided. If all goes well, I hear there's even a club you can join before the plane lands.
Ultimately I'm really trying not to be an asshole about this. I'm sure the big lady next to me was a perfectly nice person who didn't want to give me back and shoulder problems throughout the flight, but she did. I think my solution is an easy way to allow bigger people a place to sit a lesser cost than buying two seats and without the incumberance on other passengers. The proof is in the puddin'. The loveseat option has already been adopted by movie theaters:
and is extremely popular at my local cinema, The Savoy. Of course, it'll never happen. The airline would feed us some cock and bull story about safety, or losing profit or somesuch. C'est la vie. Corporate pig pokers...
Keep this in mind though, folks. Air quality on airplanes was far better when average joes, jills and jesses could smoke on them. The air was circulated and filtered. Without cigarettes, the air remains stagnant. Now planes are big aluminum, petri dishes for whatever green-gooped cocktail your seat neighbor has stirring in their lungs. Because clean air isn't necessary if we ain't smoking...
But life ain't all bad. Internet's free and hopefully the pasty shop will open up soon. Mmmm, pasties...
Love,
Jonathan "All You Need Is Love Seat" Trenary
