Dubai: Some Like It Hot

What a wacky couple of months it's been for me. Shortly following my last post I found myself kidnapped by Basque separatists. I was put up for ransom, however; the separatists made a common error with the spelling of my name. Thus the newlywed couple, Don and Jane Trinary of St. Cloud, Minnesota were told to send the separatists $ 2 million or their son would spend a night in the not-fun section of a Basque abattoir. Due to a strange mishap involving 7 INTERPOL agents, a genetically engineered bull and a helicopter, I was able to escape. In order to evade any Basque agents that might have been following me I blended in to a Spanish yacht rocker look-alike convention and took on the guise of  a Kenny Loggins imitator. It was two days into the convention while I was having manhattans with 2 Messinas and a Michael McDonald that all hell broke loose. It was at that same hotel (the Barcelona Marriot Suites) that the prog rocker look-alike convention moved in. The two groups were immediately at war. Jackson Brownes fighting Peter Gabriels. Halls and Oatses fighting Pink Floyds. Chaos! Fleeing the carnage, I managed to make my way to Gibraltar where I managed to win a dinghy from a one-eyed fisherman in an illegal underground game of baccarat. The dinghy got me most of the way up the coast where I managed to land at Sandwich. After being accosted by an old man with a cane that kept screaming something about "the bloody Jerries comin' back" I managed to get a train ticket to Nottingham.

And that's why I haven't made a blog post in a loooooong time.

As of the moment, I'm in Dubai. And it's hot. And it's nice. And it's also almost 3:00 am. Or, midnight in England. Or 7:00 pm in the USA. After finally getting on a normal sleep schedule about a week ago, I'm going wreak havoc on it over the next 17 hours or so. Let's try not to think about that. It's depressing.

Instead, let's talk about Dubai Airport, which is probably the nicest airport I've ever been in. Ever. The things a piece of art. And it's huge. Atlanta has nothing on this place. In fact, I'm really getting to like the Emirates. Nice airport, really nice planes. (If you get a chance fly Emirates. It's the nicest airline I've ever flown. The ceilings of the plane have CONSTELLATIONS!) 

My only gripe is the lack of food selection for budget minded travelers. But hey, no biggy. The gardens in the middle of the airport more than make up for that. That's right, there's a garden just hanging out in the middle of the food area of terminal 2. You see it and you're like:

"Hey, garden. Are you lost? This is an airport."

And the garden's like:

"Nah, man. I'm fine. I'm supposed to be here. Ambiance."

And you're like:

"Far out."

And everyone else is like:

"Why the hell is that crazy American talking to a palm tree?"

I'd take pictures, but my stupid camera has dead batteries and I don't feel like blowing my money on airport batteries. That's almost as criminal as spending 5 dollars on a bag of Raisinettes at the cinema. 

Wow. Look at the time. I gotta get on my plane to China.

Take care folks.

-Jonathan "The Garden Whisperer" Trenary