Canned Mayonaise and Powerful Men

This...

happened to me today.

It happened while I was running, in fact. I was under the impression that this sort of thing only happened in bad romantic comedies that star Sandra Bullock. But no, it happened to me. And the splasher was driving a bus, not an Audi, so the splash was even more intense. I feel particularly bad for the girls that were passing me (Unless they didn't get wet because I acted as a shield. Then I don't feel bad for them at all.) because they were carrying shopping bags and wearing normal clothes. Fortunately I was just wearing my running clothes, so no loss. Just an uncomfortable run back to the flat.

That'll teach me to go running right after it rains.

Another observation:

As I attempt to adapt to the diet of a British college student, I find myself experimenting with different canned foods. I am rapidly finding out that the more ingredients a canned meal has (this does not include soup,) the worse the meal is. For example, today I ate a can of beans and franks with my turkey sandwich. I thought it would be something akin to the beloved spaghettios from my childhood. It wasn't. It was six Vienna sausages thrown into a can of baked beans. It was palatable. But only barely. Even worse was the...*gulp*... tryst with canned tuna. Except the canned tuna also included corn and mayo. I like those things in my tuna salad. I thought it would be okay. It wasn't. It was terrible. I can't even begin to describe how awful it was. Even with fixin's. And as you all know, good fixin's can turn even the most bland and terrible sandwich into something magnificent. These fixin's couldn't. Unless it's soup or just plain baked beans, stay away from British canned goods.

Two more things:

The first is a new obsession I have with Forbes' recent "World's Most Powerful People" list.

There are a couple of really fascinating things about this list. The first that I would like to point out is that Sergey Brin and Larry Page, the co-founders of Google, are placed on the list as the fifth most powerful people on the planet. Imagine, two internet nerds (a nerd is a good thing to be) are considered to be more powerful than all but 3 of the world's leaders and Ben Bernanke.

The second thing I would like to point out is that Rupert Murdoch sits at #7. Terrifying.

Third, Osama bin Laden is #37 because, he is "casus belli of two U.S.-led wars costing over $1 trillion." Scary that he's so high up on the list (Higher than Ali Hoseini-Khamanei, leader of Iran) and even scarier that Forbes is unaware of the fact that the Iraq war was planned independently of Osama bin Laden's actions, and was well underway before the WTC was bombed. In fact, Bob Woodward implies in his book, State of Denial, that overzealous war planning may of interfered with detection of the plot to destroy the towers. But that's discussion for another time and place.

Fourth, Putin is #3, Medvedev is #43. Wait. So who's ruling Russia?

Fifth, and most importantly, is what this list tells us about Forbes. To take a page from Edward Said, the article and the choices made in constructing the list tell us far more about Forbes magazine than about the people on the list. Furthermore, how does one rank power? According to Forbes it seems that the person most able to affect the world economy is the most powerful. That would explain Ben Bernanke's listing at spot #4. But who do we really know who's the most powerful?

Dear Forbes writers, to take a page from Billy Joel, you may be wrong for all I know, but you may be right.

So I came up with an idea to determine who is the most powerful. In addition to economic measurements potential list members must engage in 3 other competitions of mental, physical and artistic might.

Challenge 1: Mental Olympiad. Filled with terrible long division math questions, spatial reasoning puzzles, SAT analogies and brain teasers, competitors will strive to see who has the strongest mind. The final gauntlet? Solving a Rubik's cube.

Challenge 2: Obstacle Course . I'm imagining something that mixes the Nickelodeon show GUTS! with American Gladiators with the basic training that American Green Berets undergo. Any ties will be determined by an arm wrestling match. Best two outta three.

Challenge 3: Create a great work of art. This is where a lot of people would stumble and fall, but the truly powerful will be able to pull it off with a flourish. Nothing says "power" like controlling the world economy by day and painting majestic landscapes in oils by night.

That's it for today. Or I should say tonight. It was completely dark by 4:30 PM. Yay 50 degrees latitude.

Hasta luego.

- Jonathan "Joggin' Soggy" Trenary