November and the Evidence (Of Halloween)

It's that time of the year. Leaves are all over the place, the wind is getting sharp and chilly, and hooligans are running about in costumes. It must be fall. Speaking of silly costumes...

This is me as a horse. Well... the front half of a horse, anyway. Apparently I'm getting attacked by Robin Hood. Little does miss Hood know that horses have no pockets in which they keep their valuables. The poor will only get more "nothing" if she tries to spread around my wealth.

This is my flatmate, Jay. He was the back end of the horse. Some might call him a horse's ass. But those people just don't know Jay! He's actually a really good flatmate. He's considerate and he makes for excellent company. And he's dutch.

A lot of the other people at the soiree were from places like Peru and Argentina. It was pretty good crowd. Aside from all the Ricky Martin, it was a pretty good party. (Okay, I jest about the Ricky Martin, but Enrique Elgasias was in full effect.) I think the party was the most exciting thing that happened all weekend, aside from returning the horse costume and seeing that the costume shop had my Outlaw Josey Wales poster.

Other topics of discussion: November in general. This is a great month. It's almost turkey time! And in addition to the glory of Thanksgiving, lots of excellent people were born this month. In fact, I've made a poem to commemorate November birthdays.

Of all the births that ever were

The best were done in November

To you sir I truly aver

The best were done in November

If e’er a time for a cowboy

Must be the month of Will and Roy

Rogers, I add a tad too late

And Billy the Kid, child of fate

Speaking of Billy’s (as I am)

Evangelical William Graham

And not so holy, no he inn’t

The master of smut, Larry Flynt

Hot Lips from M*A*S*H, Loretta Switt

Wax on, wax off, Karate Kid

And who can forget Walt Cronkite

Ferrigno hulks out with his might

True writers of wit, time to strut

Vivre! Voltaire and Kurt Vonnegut

On, Alan Sheppard! Into Space!

Billie Jean King, keep up the pace!

It’s true November has these two,

Indira and her dad Nehru

Odd that November 19

Has Ted Turner AND Larry King

Sad to say that Sagan is gone

With Captain Kirk’s nemesis, KHAAAAAAN!

Glad to say Ed Asner's still here

Unlike Karlof, master of fear

Nixon’s first veep, mister Agnew

Dick was a crook, Spiro was too.

Harding, Taylor, two presidents

Who both died while in residence.

Bram Stroker writes of Dracula

Hendrix makes rock spectaculah!

Charles Schulz and also Bruce Lee

How bad ass can November be?

Others undocumented though:

Chewbacca and Han Solo

Yes, Wolverine and Batman too

November babies through and through

Now to the best: Jonathan Swift

Born on a great day. Catch my drift?

On the same day was born Mark Twain

Today masters of satire reign.

Of all the births that ever were

The best were done in November

The most important you will see

Happened on the thirtieth ~ ME!

And that's my vain poem about how great November birthdays are. Also, it's No-Shave November, so ladies and men, put away those razors for a few weeks and let hair do what it's meant to do: GROW! Let those armpit brambles get bramblier! Swimmers, take a break. Cultivate that beard or those chin hairs! Don't spend money on that bikini line! It's too cold to be at the beach anyway! Bearded lady, keep on truckin'!

Lastly, November is also National Novel Writing month. This is the month in which writers try to come up with a novel of 50,000 words. It's an international contest and more information can be found in the neighborhood of HERE. For those of you recovering from various operations or illnesses or those who simply work at Mattress factories and have free time in between quality testing sessions, this might be something to look into.

As for me, I got tons of Chinese to write. The Analects got nothing on me.

I'm out like sauerkraut.

- Jonathan "Yeah Topaz is an Ugly Rock, So What!" Trenary