Horsing Around For Halloween

I don't know what happened to my camera's microphone. It may be going bad, or I may have to fix some audio settings. Either way, hopefully the issue will be sorted out by next weekend.


Also: Canadians don't use doors when they don't have to. Just sayin'. (This is why I keep the kitchen window shut and locked.)

Guess Who's Baaaack?

This week is off to an interesting start. I'm doing a little better with my Chinese and the geography classes are no problem. I'm actually starting to see a sliver of free time on the horizon. I think I'll use it to try and figure out what's wrong with me. I've had some sort of headache (sinus-related?) all day and I've been phlegmy for weeks now. I don't feel sick. Just super congested.

Weird thing though, completely unrelated to being sick. The 80's are definitely back in this country. I don't know if 80's fashion has returned to America, but it's back in full force in England. Especially for women.

Par example:




This dress is typical fare for British college-age girls. I don't especially know why this fashion came back, but I wish it would have stayed away. I know that things are cyclical. For instance, I remember in the late 90's where people started wearing flare pants again.

My dad once noted: "People still pop their collars? God. People did that when I was in college and it looked stupid as hell then too."

I guess it goes to show that as long as there are idiotic looking things to do in the fashion world, people will do it, regardless of whether or not it is practical. Fashion's not about practical. It's about making a statement. And the statement that lots of young British ladies are making is that they were too young to remember the 1980's and how silly it looked. I may have been on the ass-end of the decade (although I wonder if the whole decade wasn't an ass-end) but I remember how stupid people looked, and I can remember making a choice in my little four-year-old brain to never ever wear acid wash jeans and a brightly colored windbreaker. I'm sure I did anyway though, because I think my parents dressed me until I was about six. But never again.

Another Reason The 80's are Back in Britain:


This is Eleanor Jackon, front woman for the ontemporary chart-topping British group, La Roux. (She's younger than I am. Scary.)



This is Mike Score, front man for Flock of Seagulls. I trust that you can see what I'm getting at here.

Mom, Dad. If I come back wearing parachute pants or denim cut-offs, just slip some high level poison in my food. The 1980's is one vortex I have no desire to get sucked into.

I have a splitting headache, so no more for today.

Eatcha veggies, stay in school and don't do drugs!

- Jonathan "I Ran So Far Away" Trenary

Hoovers and Haters

Interesting week across the pond.

Here's the link for the British National Party Website: http://bnp.org.uk/

And here is one where you can watch the debate on Question Time on which Nick Griffin appeared: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HK6Gw4Qlz0A&feature=related

And here's a clever little diversion for you: http://alittlepoison.com/2009/06/15/interview-with-nicks-griffin/

Hoovers

Whew! I can finally take a breath and relax. For a little while a least. And by relax, I mean only do roughly 3-4 hours of work outside of school a day. The last two days have been hellish as I pieced together 9 pages of graphwork and analysis. At the same time I was preparing for an oral presentation for Mandarin Chinese for Research.

I guess it's good that I have this much work though. It keeps me off of the streets.

An interesting thing about the graphs though. I spent more time using MS Paint to create graphs than I did actually using the statistical and graphing software. I guess it's good that I logged so much time as a kid screwing around with MS Paint on my dad's computer. It has served me well. Additionally, a friend of mine informed me that an artist named Bert Monroy makes digital art using programs like MS Paint. Here's one of his works of art:



You can see the rest of his work at HERE.

Sometimes I feel like the guy in the picture except, the neon signs in Nottingham all say, "OPEN 8, MAYBE 9 HOURS!" Things close really early around here. The only things that stay open late are clubs and certain bars. And of course, the chippies. That would be fine if going to clubs, bars and chippies were my entire raison d'etre over here. But I want to do other things too! In America we have late-night bowling. Where's the late-night ten pin house over here? Also, I am very interested in finding a late night jaunt that serves coffee or tea all night. Something like IHOP, really. (Did I really just, in some form, claim to miss IHOP?) Shopping closes around 6:00 pm as well. Unless it's Wednesday. Then, for reasons unknown to me, the shops stay open till 7:00.

The Hoover Story.

I don't own a vacuum cleaner over here. I own a hoover. What does it do? Well, it hooves. At least, now it does. It didn't when I first got here. Mostly it just spat foul smelling liquid out of the business end of the vacuu... er... hoover. It really fouled up my carpet too. I ended up fussillading my carpet with half a can of bathroom airfreshener. It was epic and comparable to a freshly gassed trench in World War I. Except it smelled like flowers, not death. Here is a picture of the cute, but once deadly scourge of Flat 9.


No lie. That's what our vacuum/hoover looks like. It only works now because of two ballsy endeavors to fix it. The first, and ultimately less ballsy of the two, was my removal of the foul, fetid, feculent waste that was brooding inside of our happy hoover. The second and much braver action was Jay's thorough cleansing and drying that he gave it. It works fine now, but it tends to still smell when you fire it up. At least it works and doesn't leave it's foul stench in the carpet anymore. Jeez. Looking at it, I feel like it needs a name. Maybe "Hoovie" or "Galdemon: Destroyer of Lands and Sucker of Wastes!" That second name cannot be said. It must be screamed.

Lastly, I need help figuring out what to be for Halloween. I need ideas. Help me out.

That's all from my end.

Keepin' it real like a banana peel.

- Jonathan "My Hoover Sucks" Trenary

My Rampant Consumerism

This week has been kinda hectic, as has the weekend. The schoolwork is starting to pile up so I have less time to put out blogs or work on videos. That's a good thing right? Anyway, I've got a new intro that I think fits well.

Otherwise, I'm super busy! Gotta go!

Marxist Geographers

I spend very little time learning actual geography these days. Almost none at all, in fact. The one exception is the cognitive map of Nottingham that I am always restructuring and revising in my head. But other than that, no geography. This is despite the fact the second word in the title of my degree is "Geography." I'm learning statistics and I'm learning about philosophy, and I'm sure as hell learning my share of Mandarin Chinese. But no geography. I guess I'll just make due with Descartes and find some use for him.

*Tangent*

Okay, since I've been lately going through the rogues gallery of every philosopher that had something to do with the way we think about space (Okay, so I lied. I get a little geography...but not enough!) and I've come to the conclusion that I would be way more into philosophy if, as a child, I was able to play with action figures of famous philosophers and scientists. For example Einstein (sold with Patent Office Playset) would come with a chalkboard and mold-able hair. Newton would get an apple and a catapult for demonstrating the principle of gravity and annoying the family cat. Descartes would of course come with his own signature scaled down fighter jet known as the Cartesian Plane. I would have been all over science and philosophy as a child with such learning aids!

*End Tangent*

The purveyor of the course sort of gave me a subtle glimpse into the cut-throat world of academia. He definitely doesn't like Marxist geographers and he is no fan of "Dick Peet." It sort of reminded me of my experiences with the Scilian mob. I could definitely see my professor trying to take out a hit on this Peet guy.

Setting: The Clark University Cartography Lab

Several professors are sitting in a dimly lit, smokey cartography lab.

Another professor enters and opens a tube containing a thematic map of fishery stocks in the North Sea which he/she unfurls across the table for the other academics to see.

Professor 1: What the hell is this?

Professor 2: It's a geographic message. It means Dick Peet sleeps with the fishies!

End scene

Okay, maybe academia isn't that harsh. But what a film it would make for if it was...

-Chinese-

This is how you write "accelerating economic growth" in Mandarin Chinese. (I wrote it myself.)

And these are lines from a Tom Petty song (Learning to Fly), also written in Mandarin that sum up how I feel in my Mandarin Chinese for Research class:

I didn't write the whole song, even though I would like to, because soon I have to study serious economic-related Mandarin instead of transcribing rock songs into foreign languages. I don't know how it happened, but I'm really struggling to keep up with this stuff. Come to find out that I am only the SECOND person to do a MSc in Human Geography and Chinese Studies at Nottingham. Ever. They're still working out the kinks. This means I have to work really hard to catch up to the people in my Research class.

I guess it also means that, for my program, I'm sort of like a founding father. Or rather a founding guinea pig.

Ultimately, I'm still having a good time learning. It's just slightly different that what I imagined it would be like. But then again, what isn't?

Lastly, I'd like to get some audience participation! Today in class we discussed how the french export a lot of philosophical thought that impacts the social sciences. What's YOUR favorite thing that the French export? Be creative!

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies...

Jonathan "I'm gonna need a bigger boat" Trenary

Freedom is the New Dutch.

Sorry it's a bit longer than usual. I just had a lot to say.

Twinkies and Slim Jims

The degree of the average Briton's ignorance of Twinkies and other gas station snack foods is really reassuring. I've had to explain the concept of "Twinkie" several times already. Usually in the context of frying them. The Brits think we fry everything, and to an extent they are correct. That extent is a certain swath of states that exist in the U.S.'s southeast. Guess which ones. I could try to explain other aspects of the southeast like catfish farming, petrochemicals or the indigo industry, but they just wanna hear about all the weird stuff we fry. Go figure.

This British ignorance is problematic because it means that analogies such as the one posted below hold no truck.



This is why today's post will propose the founding of the American Cultural Expansion fund. The concept is really easy! Money is spent on expanding the cultural horizons of British people everywhere. And by everywhere, I mean the British people that I meet.

"How can this be done" you ask!

Simple just send a monetary donation to the following address:

Jonathan Trenary
Flat 009
Riverside Point
Radmarsh Road
Nottingham NG7 2GJ
United Kingdom

Although, it would help to educate the Britons better if you pre-convert the money from dollars to pounds, as the exchange rate is REALLY high over here. Brits that wish to donate need not worry about exchange rates, as you are likely carrying pounds on you already. And I'm not just talking about the ones you put on from going to pub every afternoon! All donations are acceptable, but your neighbors will judge you if your donation is too small, so send a big one and escape their accusing eyes.

In other news:

I'm also trying to get a hold of a stump. But it's kind of hard. There aren't many available tree stumps in a city like Nottingham. It's not like Fredericksburg where I could just turn the corner and find available tree stumps. They even have memorial tree stumps in Fredericksburg. There are no tree stumps in Nottingham, memorial or otherwise. You may be asking why I need a tree stump (or you may not.) It's for the stump game, the rules of which may be found here!

Conveniently there is a hardware store around the corner, so hammers and nails won't be too hard to find.

Not too much else to say today.

Stay tuned. Random bat time. Same bat channel.

Hasta luego ninos y ninas.

-Jonathan "I'm stumped" Trenary

POWERFUL SENTENCES

This entire island is sick. Myself included. I don't know what happened upon my arrival into London Heathrow, but since then my immune system (which is normally healthy) has been crashing. I'm not as sick as I was a week ago, but I'm once again feeling under the weather. And it's not just me. I calculate that over half of my Chinese research class is sick. This calculation results from an amalgam of dense statistical work and from watching over half my classmates cough lungs up during class time.

I am somewhat worried about the effect this sickness will have on my attendence of a very important event this Saturday. The event I speak of is the Annual Robin Hood Beer Festival. This is a very important cultural event for Nottingham, and as someone who enjoys studying cultural geographies, it is an essential part of my studies.

Here's the link to the festival website, if you are curious: http://www.nottinghamcamra.org/FestivalSite/festivalindex.html

Oh... and the coolest part? It's a beer festival AT A CASTLE! There might even be an unexpected swordfight or siege. I mean, those things aren't on the schedule, but that's EXACTLY why they would be unexpected! And what else happens at castles besides swordfights and sieges? (Well...beer drinking, obviously.) Anyway, it's this weekend, so I'll take some pictures to include in the weekend video blog, just so you guys and gals across the pond can get a whiff (so to speak) of good ol' Limey culture.

Going back to my Chinese for Research class, my professor is very occupied with teaching us "Powerful Sentences." She's always telling us that the phrase we just learned is a "Powerful Sentence!" To be honest, I really don't know how to gauge the power of a sentence. The Chinese may have a method, but I don't think American's do. Even for sentences to have power in English, they have to be somewhat circumstantial.

In America, the dichotomy between "Powerful Sentences" and normal sentences breaks down like this :

Normal Sentence: "I have a good job and disposable income."

POWERFUL SENTENCE: "I have a gun and am willing to rob you!"

UBER-POWERFUL SENTENCE: "I have a good job and disposable income and am willing to rob you!"

Oops! That's a trichotomy! But then again, Tony Montoya is one-of-a-kind so it's still a dichotomy.

The last thing that I want to address is also on the subject of Powerful Sentences. These particularly Powerful Sentences are the headlines of the Metro newspaper, a cost-free daily paper found all over England. It reports major news events, as well as strange ones. For some reason the editors of the paper have a strange fascination with the state of Florida and stories involving alligators or crocodiles.

I especially wish to draw your attention to some rather provoking headlines. A clip of the actual text from the story will be found underneath. It's all been obtained from http://metro.co.uk, which I encourage you to look at anyway. Here are some choice stories.

1. Police step in to stop Darth Vader 'porn movie'

"The set of a movie starring Darth Vader actor David Prowse was raided by police after reports it was being used to shoot a porn film.

The bungalow location was instead found to house actors filming a dramatic dialogue for the 'action thriller'.

Neighbours had jumped to the wrong conclusion after seeing a camera and lighting equipment being taken into the home."

2. Grumpy crocodile jailed for three days

"Police threw a grumpy crocodile in jail after it was discovered loitering in a town.

The two-metre long saltwater crocodile was hanging around by a fence trying to look innocent, officers in Australia's Northern Territory said.

Sergeant Adam Russell said his plan to nab the reptile in style was vetoed by rangers.

'I wanted to jump on it Steve Irwin style,' he told Northern Territory News.

'But [the rangers] wouldn't let me.'

Instead the creature was bound and bundled into the back of a pick-up truck and taken to the police cells."

3. Sex rampage reindeer Mr Frosty gores woman

"Businesswoman Kay Davies was left battered and bruised after a rutting reindeer called Mr Frosty attacked her.

She was charged by the normally placid creature, knocked to the ground and trampled on.

Colleagues at the farm where her wedding supply business is based ran to her aid and the reindeer had to be put down by a vet.

Reindeers can become aggressive in the rutting season as males seek mates.

Mr Frosty had not been castrated."

The Mr Frosty headline is my favorite, I think. It doesn't make a lick of sense until you actually read the story. Maybe it would help if they used some punctuation... Just to put some things into perspective, I shall post a headline from today's Washington Post.

On Afghanistan, Old Debates and Dangers

Hmm... that's not very funny at all. That's kind of depressing. The media over in Britain is very different. It doesn't sugar-coat things, but at the same time, it's nowhere near as pessimistic or vitriolic as American news media. At least, not seriously.

Anyway, that's all I got for now!

Mahalo and don't let Cuban drug lords push you around!

- Jonathan "Grumpy Crocodile" Trenary

Spanish = Jerks

Here's the weekend update from across the pond.

Yay Blog.

It's a bit wordy this week, but I got a lot to talk about.

Finally went to my first "Geography" class yesterday. And by "Geography," I mean Statistics. The course is called Research Methods, but it's more like a Statistics/Microsoft Excel course. At least, that's what we spent 2 hours learning about anyway. Hopefully it will get more geographical as time goes on.

Also went back to Chinese class, and I'm feeling a little bit better about that one. It seems that I'm not as far behind as I thought. Yay me.

I've also bought groceries, so now I can actually feed myself. There's actually a pretty nice grocery store a little more than a mile away. The pain is just lugging 60 pounds worth of groceries over that distance. A little exercise never hurt someone and this may be a good way to condition myself to get into a rugby league.

The truly awesome thing about buying groceries over here is the reduction in price for Indian spices.

Hey, Mom. You know how you pay $10 for cardamom seeds at the grocery store? I pay roughly $2.50. I guess that's the benefit of living in a country that subjugated the subcontinent of India. Yay colonialism.

Unfortunately, there is one thing that I cannot find. And I've been looking. Dryer sheets. I cannot find dryer sheets to save my life. I would have stuffed some into my already bulging bags of luggage if I had known that dryer sheets would would be scarce here. I accepted that I would likely have to forgo my favorite brand of dryer sheet, Bounce Febreeze: Spring Renewal. I was willing to use normal Bounce, for goodness' sake!

Here's a convenient video to remind you of what I'm missing out on.

After watching the video, you can understand why I'm a wee bit perturbed. Why would one of the most developed nations on the planet go without such an essential as this?

I have a couple of hypotheses.

1. The English, living in such a humid place, have decided that they don't need dryer sheets. Static cling must not exist over here. Perhaps, to the Limeys, it's even a myth. Kind of like Sasquatch.

2. The English actually prefer to have their articles of clothing ride up on them in an uncomfortable manner. Such discomfort helps to cultivate a properly English stiff upper lip.

3. Dryer sheets are accessible only by the English elite. You know, lords, dames, dukes and the Queen. People like that. Can't have the riff-raff out and about, enjoying the benefits of clothing free of static discharge. No, that just won't do. In fact, there's probably an entire room in Harrods (If you don't know what Harrods is, click here.) that is full of all manner of dryer sheets. You just have to show your signet ring to get in.

Maybe Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, should have Carrie in on the BBC Breakfast so that the Brits can find out what they're missing. Yay dryer sheets.

There's one last thing I want to address before I sign off.

I was sent this link a few days ago:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6241440/German-men-are-worlds-worst-lovers-with-English-men-in-second-place.html

It's no surprise that the Germans are sitting at the number one spot for the world's worst lovers. The poll cites odor as being a problem, but I would hazard that, in some cases, the renowned German efficiency isn't always a great thing. Maybe there's such a thing as too efficient.

It's also no surprise that the English are in second place. After living over here for a few weeks and observing English living habits (strictly out of the bedroom) I've come to one conclusion: It's gonna be a bit hard to be Don Juan when you spend most of your waking life at pub, drinking pints and watching footie matches. Perhaps this is a harsh assessment, but I call 'em like I see 'em.

What bothered me was that Americans came in fifth place. There are 193 countries in the world and we are sitting at 189th place for best lover? As the 192nd ranked Brits would say, "Rubbish!" I can't believe America was beat out by countries like Estonia and Brunei. You mean to tell me that Luxembourgians are more romantic than Americans. Pish tish! Even more humiliating is that Canadian men came in 10th place for world's best lovers. Let me remind you what your average Canadian men look like:

Yes Virginia, these are Canadians...

And so, American Men, I put it to you: No more fifth place for worlds worst lovers! It's time to once again out-do the French (4th place for best) and, for goodness sake, out-do those moose riding, beaver-huntin' beer drinkin' Canadians. If my plea seems a bit indelicate...well, it's obviously an indelicate world with America sitting indelicately in 189th place! Yay America.

With that I bid you adieu. Yay farewells.

- Jonathan "Statically Clingin' To The Hope Dryer Sheets in My Future" Trenary