POWERFUL SENTENCES

This entire island is sick. Myself included. I don't know what happened upon my arrival into London Heathrow, but since then my immune system (which is normally healthy) has been crashing. I'm not as sick as I was a week ago, but I'm once again feeling under the weather. And it's not just me. I calculate that over half of my Chinese research class is sick. This calculation results from an amalgam of dense statistical work and from watching over half my classmates cough lungs up during class time.

I am somewhat worried about the effect this sickness will have on my attendence of a very important event this Saturday. The event I speak of is the Annual Robin Hood Beer Festival. This is a very important cultural event for Nottingham, and as someone who enjoys studying cultural geographies, it is an essential part of my studies.

Here's the link to the festival website, if you are curious: http://www.nottinghamcamra.org/FestivalSite/festivalindex.html

Oh... and the coolest part? It's a beer festival AT A CASTLE! There might even be an unexpected swordfight or siege. I mean, those things aren't on the schedule, but that's EXACTLY why they would be unexpected! And what else happens at castles besides swordfights and sieges? (Well...beer drinking, obviously.) Anyway, it's this weekend, so I'll take some pictures to include in the weekend video blog, just so you guys and gals across the pond can get a whiff (so to speak) of good ol' Limey culture.

Going back to my Chinese for Research class, my professor is very occupied with teaching us "Powerful Sentences." She's always telling us that the phrase we just learned is a "Powerful Sentence!" To be honest, I really don't know how to gauge the power of a sentence. The Chinese may have a method, but I don't think American's do. Even for sentences to have power in English, they have to be somewhat circumstantial.

In America, the dichotomy between "Powerful Sentences" and normal sentences breaks down like this :

Normal Sentence: "I have a good job and disposable income."

POWERFUL SENTENCE: "I have a gun and am willing to rob you!"

UBER-POWERFUL SENTENCE: "I have a good job and disposable income and am willing to rob you!"

Oops! That's a trichotomy! But then again, Tony Montoya is one-of-a-kind so it's still a dichotomy.

The last thing that I want to address is also on the subject of Powerful Sentences. These particularly Powerful Sentences are the headlines of the Metro newspaper, a cost-free daily paper found all over England. It reports major news events, as well as strange ones. For some reason the editors of the paper have a strange fascination with the state of Florida and stories involving alligators or crocodiles.

I especially wish to draw your attention to some rather provoking headlines. A clip of the actual text from the story will be found underneath. It's all been obtained from http://metro.co.uk, which I encourage you to look at anyway. Here are some choice stories.

1. Police step in to stop Darth Vader 'porn movie'

"The set of a movie starring Darth Vader actor David Prowse was raided by police after reports it was being used to shoot a porn film.

The bungalow location was instead found to house actors filming a dramatic dialogue for the 'action thriller'.

Neighbours had jumped to the wrong conclusion after seeing a camera and lighting equipment being taken into the home."

2. Grumpy crocodile jailed for three days

"Police threw a grumpy crocodile in jail after it was discovered loitering in a town.

The two-metre long saltwater crocodile was hanging around by a fence trying to look innocent, officers in Australia's Northern Territory said.

Sergeant Adam Russell said his plan to nab the reptile in style was vetoed by rangers.

'I wanted to jump on it Steve Irwin style,' he told Northern Territory News.

'But [the rangers] wouldn't let me.'

Instead the creature was bound and bundled into the back of a pick-up truck and taken to the police cells."

3. Sex rampage reindeer Mr Frosty gores woman

"Businesswoman Kay Davies was left battered and bruised after a rutting reindeer called Mr Frosty attacked her.

She was charged by the normally placid creature, knocked to the ground and trampled on.

Colleagues at the farm where her wedding supply business is based ran to her aid and the reindeer had to be put down by a vet.

Reindeers can become aggressive in the rutting season as males seek mates.

Mr Frosty had not been castrated."

The Mr Frosty headline is my favorite, I think. It doesn't make a lick of sense until you actually read the story. Maybe it would help if they used some punctuation... Just to put some things into perspective, I shall post a headline from today's Washington Post.

On Afghanistan, Old Debates and Dangers

Hmm... that's not very funny at all. That's kind of depressing. The media over in Britain is very different. It doesn't sugar-coat things, but at the same time, it's nowhere near as pessimistic or vitriolic as American news media. At least, not seriously.

Anyway, that's all I got for now!

Mahalo and don't let Cuban drug lords push you around!

- Jonathan "Grumpy Crocodile" Trenary