Yay Blog.

It's a bit wordy this week, but I got a lot to talk about.

Finally went to my first "Geography" class yesterday. And by "Geography," I mean Statistics. The course is called Research Methods, but it's more like a Statistics/Microsoft Excel course. At least, that's what we spent 2 hours learning about anyway. Hopefully it will get more geographical as time goes on.

Also went back to Chinese class, and I'm feeling a little bit better about that one. It seems that I'm not as far behind as I thought. Yay me.

I've also bought groceries, so now I can actually feed myself. There's actually a pretty nice grocery store a little more than a mile away. The pain is just lugging 60 pounds worth of groceries over that distance. A little exercise never hurt someone and this may be a good way to condition myself to get into a rugby league.

The truly awesome thing about buying groceries over here is the reduction in price for Indian spices.

Hey, Mom. You know how you pay $10 for cardamom seeds at the grocery store? I pay roughly $2.50. I guess that's the benefit of living in a country that subjugated the subcontinent of India. Yay colonialism.

Unfortunately, there is one thing that I cannot find. And I've been looking. Dryer sheets. I cannot find dryer sheets to save my life. I would have stuffed some into my already bulging bags of luggage if I had known that dryer sheets would would be scarce here. I accepted that I would likely have to forgo my favorite brand of dryer sheet, Bounce Febreeze: Spring Renewal. I was willing to use normal Bounce, for goodness' sake!

Here's a convenient video to remind you of what I'm missing out on.

After watching the video, you can understand why I'm a wee bit perturbed. Why would one of the most developed nations on the planet go without such an essential as this?

I have a couple of hypotheses.

1. The English, living in such a humid place, have decided that they don't need dryer sheets. Static cling must not exist over here. Perhaps, to the Limeys, it's even a myth. Kind of like Sasquatch.

2. The English actually prefer to have their articles of clothing ride up on them in an uncomfortable manner. Such discomfort helps to cultivate a properly English stiff upper lip.

3. Dryer sheets are accessible only by the English elite. You know, lords, dames, dukes and the Queen. People like that. Can't have the riff-raff out and about, enjoying the benefits of clothing free of static discharge. No, that just won't do. In fact, there's probably an entire room in Harrods (If you don't know what Harrods is, click here.) that is full of all manner of dryer sheets. You just have to show your signet ring to get in.

Maybe Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, should have Carrie in on the BBC Breakfast so that the Brits can find out what they're missing. Yay dryer sheets.

There's one last thing I want to address before I sign off.

I was sent this link a few days ago:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6241440/German-men-are-worlds-worst-lovers-with-English-men-in-second-place.html

It's no surprise that the Germans are sitting at the number one spot for the world's worst lovers. The poll cites odor as being a problem, but I would hazard that, in some cases, the renowned German efficiency isn't always a great thing. Maybe there's such a thing as too efficient.

It's also no surprise that the English are in second place. After living over here for a few weeks and observing English living habits (strictly out of the bedroom) I've come to one conclusion: It's gonna be a bit hard to be Don Juan when you spend most of your waking life at pub, drinking pints and watching footie matches. Perhaps this is a harsh assessment, but I call 'em like I see 'em.

What bothered me was that Americans came in fifth place. There are 193 countries in the world and we are sitting at 189th place for best lover? As the 192nd ranked Brits would say, "Rubbish!" I can't believe America was beat out by countries like Estonia and Brunei. You mean to tell me that Luxembourgians are more romantic than Americans. Pish tish! Even more humiliating is that Canadian men came in 10th place for world's best lovers. Let me remind you what your average Canadian men look like:

Yes Virginia, these are Canadians...

And so, American Men, I put it to you: No more fifth place for worlds worst lovers! It's time to once again out-do the French (4th place for best) and, for goodness sake, out-do those moose riding, beaver-huntin' beer drinkin' Canadians. If my plea seems a bit indelicate...well, it's obviously an indelicate world with America sitting indelicately in 189th place! Yay America.

With that I bid you adieu. Yay farewells.

- Jonathan "Statically Clingin' To The Hope Dryer Sheets in My Future" Trenary